The 4 R's of Academic Research

What have I done to anger the gods? Was it my push for the tech-Jesi (e-Jesus, m-Jesus, web-Jesus, and pod-Jesus) over snail-Jesus? Or maybe it was my whole "you betrayed Shiva," Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, act I used when my neighbor took the last Old Style and I made it burn his hand so that I could have it. Then again, he did declare a Jihad against me for stealing his OS. But I'm getting off the subject, 'The 4 R's of Academic Research'....stay the course.

You see, I am trying to finish some research for a conference I have to attend in September where I shall present a poster. My research consists of fermenting ground grain sorghum and pulling samples at different stages of the process, drying down the material and extracting the lipids to determine if any of the unit operations reduce the amount of lipid present. I acquired 4 hot/stir plates and 4 scrw top 1000 mL erlenmeyer flasks and built a hot water bath with submersible water powered stir plates. I also use a Soxhlet for the lipid extractions and a bench-top MEGAFUGE 2.0R centrifuge for separating the whole stillage from the wet grains. Two weeks ago I get my fermentations started and the Soxhlet dies. I figure no biggie, I can store the samples in the freezer and run them all at once over a couple days. Two days ago, my centrifuge stopped working. Now we're talking crazy shit, because research has just stopped.

Yesterday, my advisor and I call the company, and they tell us to basically hot wire the centrifuge. It displayed the message "OPEN" on the panel when the lid was clearly closed, so my first that was bad switch...it makes sense to bypass the switch and force the centrifuge to 'think' the lid is closed. We hot wire the bad bitch with the help of our department electronics guy, who is rather pissed because his hot sandwiches he brought for lunch were getting cold, his insulin was kicking in and his nicotine buzz was wearing off. Anyways, we get the centrifuge to work and I start processing samples to get "research going again".

Next we decide to focus on the Soxhlet and we decide to take the whole Mother F#c*$r apart (the same attitude that drove my mom nuts and drove me to become an engineer...remember kids, you can always hire someone to put it back together). We start to take it apart only to hear a pop from the centrifuge and smell burnt circuitry......research has stopped again. We say "oh well" and go back to the Soxhlet, where we discover a clogged line. I clean the line and put the Soxhlet back together and it works magnificently.

Resesarch is almost back online.

But rather than repair the centrifuge, we decide to borrow one from another lab. This thing is bad, it looks like an old dishwasher or washing machine, it even has dials on it like a washing machine. All it really needs is a quarter acceptor and a pay-per-spin setup. Anyways, this afternoon we will be moving this washing-fuge to our lab.

Oh, and the 4 R's...

Repair, Rebuild, Rig, Repeat