The Newgard Top 25 (plus Illinois and Nebraska)

Well, it's Week 4

1. USC @ 14. Arizona St.	USC
2. Texas @ Missouri	Texas
3. Virginia Tech @ West Virginia	Virginia Tech
4. LSU at Mississippi St.	LSU
5. Florida @ 15. Alabama	Florida
6. Florida State vs. Syracuse	FSU
7. Georgia @ Miss State	Georgia
8. Ohio State vs. 21. Iowa	Iowa (Drew Tate factor)
9. Miami vs. South Florida	Miami
10. Tennessee vs. Mississippi	Tennessee
11. Michigan State vs Michigan	Michigan State
12. California vs. Arizona	California
13. Notre Dame @ 22. Purdue	Notre Dame (Wake up the Thunder!)
14. See #1
15. See #5
16. Texas Tech vs. Kansas	Texas Tech
17. Wisconsin vs. Indiana	Wisconsin
18. Minnesota @ Penn State	Minnesota
19. Virginia at Maryland	Virginia
20. UCLA vs. Washington	UCLA
21. Boston College vs. Ball State	Boston College
22. See #13
23. Iowa St at Nebraska	Nebraska (call me crazy)
24. Louisville vs. FL Atlantic	Louisville
25. Georgia Tech
Illinois @ Iowa	Iowa

We'll see what happens

The Newgard Top 25 (plus Illinois and Nebraska)

Well, it's Week 3 and since I managed to pick the Iowa State upset of Iowa, I figure I could just as well make my picks through the top 25 (plus alma maters) and see how I do...So let's begin.

1. USC @ 24. Orgeon	USC
2. Texas vs. Texas State	Texas (lol)
3. LSU vs. 10. Tennesee	LSU
4. VT vs. 15. GT	VT
5. Florida @ Kentucky	Florida
6. Florida State	BYE
7. Georgia @ Miss State	Georgia
8. Ohio State vs. 21. Iowa	Iowa (Drew Tate factor)
9. Louisville @ South Florida	Louisville
11. Purdue @ Minnesota	Minnesota
12. Miami vs. Colorado	Miami
13. Cal @ NM State	Cal
14. Michigan @ Wisconsin	Wisconsin (Muck Fichigan!)
15. See #4
16. Notre Dame @ Washington	Notre Dame (Wake up the Thunder!)
17. Michigan State @ Illinois	Illinois (MSU is not in this universe)
18. AZ State @ Oregon State	Oregon State (I like the beavers)
19. Texas Tech vs. Indiana St.	Texas Tech
20. Alabama vs. Arkansas	Alabama
21. See #8
22. Iowa St. at Army	Iowa State
23. Virginia vs. Duke	Virginia
24. See #1
25. UCLA	BYE

We'll see what happens

Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey

Taco Johns is genius. If you find yourself in hunger and not within range of a Taco Johns, they will deliver with the speed and accuracy that can only be achieved by a monkey on a border collie. If you've never seen Whiplash, check out this picture.

This is a monkey with some attitude. The way his dark eyes pierce your soul, while he's in full gallop on his trusty steed. Definately a monkey you don't fuck with. He's one of those monkeys who rolls his own cigarettes and puts them out on his tounge. My only wish is that John Wayne and Whiplash would have had an opportunity to work together. That would have been one hell of a movie. For more on Whiplash check out www.whiplashrides.com

The Ultimate Sammy Engineering

It is long past the time that the internet possess the process diagram for the construction of The Ultimate Sammy. What is the The Ultimate Sammy you ask? The Ultimate Sammy is the ecstasy experienced once you stumble upon the little slice of time between dreaming and crusty eye awake when you comprehend that you can control your dreams. It has been told that The Heeb found himself in such nirvana, but with a grumbling in his tumbling and he reached up into that little cloud above his head an pulled down this magnificent blessing from God above. Oft you wonder what God did on that seventh day, I think we all know now that it was to conceive of The Ultimate Sammy, NCAA March Madness and Old Style.

STEP 1: PURCHASE THE FINEST DELI MEATS AND CHEESES YOU CAN FIND.

Notice how The Heeb guides his disciple, Bakerian, to the Boar's Head meat counter whilst parlaying to him the importance of keeping one's head down during the approach to show proper respect to that which is to come.

Yes, we must sing the praises from the Hymnal of Boar's Head! 'Beautiful salami, slice paper thin for me. Boar's Head is just and the level'r of men.'

STEP 2: OBTAIN A CIABATA THAT MATCHES THE PERFECTION OF THE MEAT

Supprisingly, there is only one loaf of bread in this entire bakery. But she manages to feed 10,000. If only she could turn water into Old Style, then we'd be talking.
Elation, oh joyous occasion! Thine spirit is cleansed, The Heeb, may you return to your work in the eyes of The Lord.

STEP 3: SLICE THE GARDEN FRESH VEGETABLES.
Be careful not to slice too thick or too thin. Only someone whose soul has been cleansed by the bread should attempt such a task.

STEP 4: SLICE THE CIABATA!
Slicing a nice Ciabata loaf brings out the Moses within us all.

STEP 5: COMMUNION OF THE SALAMI.

Notice the care JFerg the Baptist takes in blessing the salami and the intense meditation of the Bakerian before the salami clensing of the palate.

STEP 6: ON THE SEVENTH DAY...

If you are not one with The Sammy, you may find it necessary to avert your gaze.

STEP 7: SEAL THE DEAL.

Yes, The Heeb, what you have created has left the mundane of the contingent world and taken an odessy into the metaphysical, but a look in your eye like that should be saved for ladies at the Ryan's Buffet. You know what I'm talking about. Those Ryan's Buffet ladies are three times the woman you will find anywhere else.

STEP 8: REFLECT UPON THE MAGNIFICENCE OF THE ULTIMATE SAMMY

And there you have it, an experience too grand for one man to behold, it must be beholden by four or five men of grand stature and ambition. To consume this bahemoth is to live life on the edge with disreagard for health. Each bite causes days to fall off the end of one's life.

Note: The individuals who partake of The Ultimate Sammy are trained professionals under the close the supervision of stuntmen, clergy and nutritionists. Do not try this at home.

Science Fact of the Day

The average price for 1 lb of coffee from Tanzania is $9.
There are 2000 beans in 1 lb of coffee.
There are 50 beans in 1 cup of coffee ($0.225/cup).
The average American consumes 24 gallons of coffee a year.
The average American consumes 384 cups of coffee a year.
This equates to 19200 beans a year or 9.6 lbs a year.
The average American spends $86.4 on coffee beans a year.
The average salary in Tanzania is 70,000 shillings (1 USD = 1000 shillings).
In 2000/01 53% of Tanzanians worked in agriculture (63% in 1991/92).

Tanzanian coffee is considered 'premium coffee' by American consumers.
Starbucks does not pay $9 for a pound of coffee, they pay much less.
How much do you pay for a cup of coffee at Starbucks?
Can you believe how much people are willing to pay for shitty background music, people chatting on cell phones every 2 feet, working on laptops at every table, and that precious green logo on a paper cup? Me either.

Buy freetrade coffee and a french press.

UNL Animal Science Building

Friday I took my first exam at the University of Nebraska. It was in Experimental Statistics and I think I was successful. Unfortunately the conditions in which I had to take the test were not ideal. We moved our class into the animal science building and ever since then I have been having trouble concentrating in class. How is it that a building and mess me up so bad, you ask? Allow me to explain.

When UNL decided to build a new animal sciences building they really wanted to allow the students to be really close to the animals. So how did they do this? Easy, build a barn for animals and then build an animal sciences building all around it. Yes, they built a building around a barn. I'm serious. You walk into the building and sticking into the atrium is a glass enclosure that contains half of th barn. The only thing between the smells from the barn and the atrium...a single glass door. Now you try taking a statistics exam with 50 cows worth of piss and manure stinging your nostrils. You walk out of this building and you smell like piss.

If I was animal scientist I would think it was awesome that I was so close to the animals. If I was Dr. Doolittle, I'd go through the glass door and talk to the animals. But I'm a biological systems engineer and I don't care for piss sting in my nostrils when I am taking an exam or in a lecture.

Statistics is "loom"-ing

This morning I had a lecture in experimental statistics. I'll admit, the topic sounds hard, but it really isn't. Before I get to the story, a little background about the course. The worst thing about the lectures is the professor who cannot teach. Everytime we get to something I don't understand and somone asks her for clarification her response is "It's not important...let's move on." Now, if it's not important, why are we learning it?

Today we are sitting in class, talking about random effect models, and the professor pulls this example out and starts talking. Basically, a textile company has a bunch of looms and wants to look at the variance in the fabric. About 4 minutes into this example a girl raises her hand and says, "I was wondering what a loom is?" (are you fucking with me?...seriously, are you fucking with me?) The professor immediatly blurts out, "I have a thread spinner!!" Then the professor realizes not only is that response not an answer, but an asinine thing to say to 50 some graduate students in an experimental statistics lecture., unless she tells us the predicted mean and variance of the thread spinner.

A little time passes while the professor thinks of how to best address this question. After careful consideration, this professor looks at the girl and says, "A loom is what is used to convert threads into fabric." I suppose that is a fair answer. Not a descriptive answer, but a technically correct. If you asked me "what is a computer?" and I said "What we use to convert words into blogs." You would probably look at me like a jack ass. Anyways, there is this ackward pause and the professor looks at the girl and says, "I never thought somebody wouldn't know what a loom is." The girl looks to here friend and says, "I must be stupid."

My thoughts on the matter are, 'yes, you are stupid.' Who doesn't know what a loom is?

HMS Belefonte Dry Docked for Repair

As captain of the HMS Belefonte, I regret to inform the public that we had to dry dock the ship for repairs. She was a magnificent vessel and will be missed by her crew and patrons.


Some of the citizens of the Sovereing State of Belefontonia on the last night at sea.

Welcome

Well, I've not done this before so don't expect too much. I will try to document my adventrues in Nebraska working on for a PhD as well as the preparations for presidential campaign in 2032. I hope you enjoy and will actively participate with my page.